Built for Sin
by Totoka
Summary: Through the haze, there was something that Nico was absolutely sure of: He didn't want to live like this. He didn't want to live at all. Self-harm, dark themes, eventual PercyXNico.
1. Chapter 1

**_'There's a train leaving_ _town._..'**

Nico rested his head on his hand absently, eyes looking forward, unseeing as the teacher preached at the front of the room, standing before the chalkboard. His mind was elsewhere on the cold December day, thinking back to the events of the previous summer. The whole thing with Kronos had faded overtime, and with it the attention his father had briefly given him. The last time Nico had seen the undertaker, it had been when he told him he was sending him to an esteemed academy, and not to screw up. This entailed not letting anyone reveal the fact that he was the son of Hades, Lord of the Underworld, and a demigod to boot.

Which translated to, "Even though you could kick their asses if you wanted to, let them beat you. It builds character!"

So, no matter how badly the thirteen-year-old freshmen wanted to beat the ever loving hell out of the overgrown apes that tormented him daily, he had to sit there and let them beat him, silent as they broke his body. And what really infuriated the ink-haired teen was that there was not a damn thing that he could do about it.

Nico didn't notice his hands balling into fists, or the blood that dripped between his fingers onto the pale crème desktop. His eyes flicked red for a moment, and he could practically see himself summoning his legion of dead soldiers, frightening the idiotic beings until they begged for forgiveness. Yes, he could jus-

"Mr. di Angelo, I asked you a question!" Nico snapped out of his trance, looking up, startled as his teacher glared at him in irritation. His Algebra I teacher, Mr. Walsh, was a fairly young man in his late 20's, early 30's; Though, despite his age, he was a hard ass, and very rarely was lenient on slackers. He had midnight black hair and bright electric blue eyes that reminded Nico of Thalia. He wore a black pinstripe suit, with a tie that complemented his eyes. But, at the moment, Nico wasn't focused on his teacher's appearance.

There was a chorus of laughter and Nico could feel his eyes shift once more, glowing a crimson shade of red. The laughter died as his classmates caught sight of his glowing orbs and whispers began.

"Did you see?"

"His eyes!"

"...Red."

Mr. Walsh looked hesitant for a moment, but still pressed the boy. "Well, Mr. di Angelo?" Nico sent his thanks to the gods as the bell rang before he could even open his mouth. He hastily gathered his things before any questions could be asked and shot out the door, his petite legs traveling faster than they ever had before. He was out the door with in a matter of minutes and his shoulders relaxed as the cold air touched his skin, giving him a tingling sensation.

The sky was gray, filled with clouds as snowflakes fell at a sloth pace, dusting the ground in a white cover. It was the kind of weather that Nico liked, it was comforting to him; it reminded him of the last days he'd spent with Bianca before her untimely death. Her death had left the young teen completely alone in the world and he felt hollow without her. Her warm smile, her twinkling eyes, the way she scolded him when he did something stupid. But she was gone, dead. Something else he couldn't do anything about.

He didn't know when he started walking the snow filled path to the gates, he hadn't even been aware he was walking- that was until he felt himself connect to the ground. Another downfall of being a demigod; you can't pay attention to small details very well. The wet cotton white substance seeped through his blazer and through his jacket, making contact with his skin. He shivered.

"Well, well, well. I'm surprised di Angelo. You know you're not allowed to leave without paying the toll. Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson. Shame, messing up that pretty little face of yours. To be honest, you look like a girl. I never really noticed it before, but now..." the teen trailed off.

Nico looked up, meeting eyes with his regular tormenter; Austin Birdwell, the son of the chairmen. He didn't know why, but since the day he had started school the older teen had had it out for him. He was tall and lean, bright platinum blond bangs partially covering his pale azure eyes. He was handsome, Nico would give him that, but he still didn't like the older teen for obvious reasons. Austin noticed his lack of response, and snarled angrily.

Pulling Nico back up by the scruff of his blazer, the blond teen dragged him toward the wooded area that surrounded the forest. Nico could feel himself stiffen, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of his stomach that he knew not to take lightly. Being a demigod, his ADHD naturally kicked up his survival instincts tenfold, and they were telling him that if he went into that forest with Austin, he wasn't likely to come back out. And for the first time in a long time, he was scared. He genuinely feared for his life. It wasn't like last summer when the Titan war had occurred, at least then he knew that a couple of people had his back. Now his survival instincts were kicking in, screaming at him to get away.

He struggled against Austin as he was pulled deeper into the woods, but his physical strength did not seem to work against the much larger body. The most he could do was make the other male stumble a few steps. Soon, the dim light from the clouded sky became less and less until it was almost gone completely under the branched canopy of trees. Though, despite the lack of light, Nico gained confidence. Being a child of Hades, the darkness was a natural comfort to him. He didn't let his guard down, though. Not now, he couldn't.

Austin, still dragging the younger boy, came to a halt, pushing the smaller teen against the trunk of a large, hibernating oak tree. The sinister look on the boy's face made him feel ill, but he would not let his captor became aware of that. He put on a strong front, which seemed to just piss off Austin further.

Cracking a wicked smile, Austin began to speak. "Do you know why I pulled you out here, worm?" Austin's grip tightened around Nico's collar so hard that Nico almost had to gasp for air, but he refrained. Even in this inconvenient state, he would not show weakness, he would not give Austin the satisfaction of knowing what pain he had inflicted upon him. He was better than that.

Austin's lips turned down at the lack of response, and he once again tightened his grip on the boy's collar, this time constricting so much that Nico had to gasp out for air. I can't breathe, he thought, his lungs struggling to get some air intake. The smug look on the boy's face told him that his weakness had become apparent to the blond. But still, he tried to stay composed.

"Stacy," he began, his breath shaky, "broke up with me last night." He thrust his hand back, painfully shoving Nico into the cold bark of the tree that he was currently pressed up against. "Do you know why she broke up with me? Hmm?" The cruel tone sent goose bumps up and down Nico's spine, but he shook his head in response.

"She told me that she liked someone else. Lo and behold that someone was you. So, I did a little digging. Why didn't you ever tell anyone that you have a sister? Well, I guess I should say had. But don't worry; you'll be meeting her again shortly." Absolute fury raced through the olive-skinned boy, his eyes beginning to glow a tinted red.

Austin flipped a switchblade out of his inner breast-pocket, putting it pointedly against Nico's throat. He flinched in surprise when he looked up to find blood red eyes staring back at him. Feelings of hate, loathing, complete malice in their depths. He jumped back a little, the blade that was previously in his hand falling to the mixture of snow and dead leaves that littered the forest floor.

A dark shadow seemed to loom around the smaller teen and Austin scrambled back in horror. The look in Nico's eyes had turned animalistic. There was a pure intent to kill and suddenly Austin began to think that this whole little charade had been a bad idea. Originally, he had had the intention of di Angelo not coming back from the forest in one piece. After all, his father was a very important man; it wasn't like they couldn't just cover up the little insignificant worm's death. And from the file that Austin had been able to obtain he had found that Nico didn't have any live family members. But now, the look of pure bloodlust in the younger teen's eyes made him rethink his plan.

"Hey, hey, I was just kidding. Don't worry about it; you can have Stacy, let's just forget that this ever happened. Okay, pal?" The tremble in his voice was obvious. He was scared. As Nico made his way toward the blond, the shadows seemed to bend and dance with his anger, like a pet sharing its master's rage. The ground shook around them.

"Y-you." Nico's voice shook with emotion, "I don't care if you screw with me. Hades, I don't even think I care that you intended to kill me, but you brought Bianca into it. I won't let the likes of you tarnish her name." The air creaked with electricity and the ground's shuddering was getting progressively more violent.

Austin's knees locked and he fell to the ground, shacking like a leaf. He'd never seen anyone like this; he genuinely feared for his life and he had become sure that if Nico wanted to, he could end it in an instance. Suddenly, Austin's thoughts were broken as he felt something pull on his leg. He looked down, terrified when he was met with the sight of a skeletal hand wrapping itself around his calf. He screamed out in terror.

"What are you!" His voice was panicked as his leg was tugged and grasped more by the skeletal hands. A gaping hole in the ground had appeared and he could feel them pulling him down. "You're a monster, a freak! No wonder your sister is dead! I bet you were the one who killed her! Demon!"

The shadows swirled wildly around Nico, his glowing red eyes turning a frightening crimson. He muttered something in ancient Greek that Austin couldn't quite make out. But that didn't matter now. His screams filled the air, too far from civilization for anyone to hear his pleas for help. They faded gradually, the ground closing up behind him, leaving a jagged crater in the ground.

Seeming to snap back to his senses, Nico looked at the scared earth in horror. Had he…had he killed Austin? His eyes faded back to their normal dark black shade. He had killed a human. It hit him hard.

Sure, he had killed monsters before, but killing monsters was completely different. The monsters, they never truly died, eventually, they'd recreate themselves, and come back from the pits of Tartarus. And demigods and gods alike fought to protect the humans from the monsters of the Underworld. But, he had just thrown away the life of someone who couldn't have even begun to defend himself against his powers. He had killed him. Austin was someone's brother or son or cousin, like Bianca was his sister. He, he had taken away someone precious from their family.

He…he was no better than the monsters that he'd slain. He sank to his knees at the realization; his back slid down the bark and bent into and arc, his arms slowly falling in his lap. He looked at his hands, mentally imagining the innocent blood that now soaked them. His eyelids grew heavy from the overuse of his powers. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep in the snow until he had awoken a good time later.

The frost nipped at his fingers and his toes. He could imagine that his lips had turned blue and he had curled up to conserve heat for himself. The day was long gone; the moon was high and full in the sky. If he had to guess, he'd say that it was well past midnight. He tried to stand and succeeded for a moment, though his legs gave out on him only moments later. He hadn't registered where he was or why until he spotted the wound in the earth that was made earlier.

"That's right. . ." he swallowed a hard lump in his throat," I killed Austin." he finished mentally. Suddenly, he felt claustrophobic and it became hard to breathe. He needed, scratch that, HAD to get out of there. Mustering up all his strength, he commanded the shadows around him. They began to bend and snap and he commenced shadow travel. After a few moments of harsh darkness, he was sitting on the floor in the living room of his apartment. It was one of the few things his father had given him, a place to live while he attended school during the year while he was away from camp.

He sat there for a long time, not moving, not thinking, not speaking, and just lost himself in the nothingness. He didn't feel so cold anymore; he didn't feel anything at the moment. The only thing that he could process was an overwhelming numbness. He didn't know how long it was when he finally moved, but he could see the early morning sun rising in the east. He pushed himself off the floor, walking to the hall.

"I should get cleaned up." He thought. There was no way that he was going to attend school that day, there was no way that he could go back there and face the questioning looks of his classmates as they openly wondered where their beloved Austin had gone. He tried to lose the thought, shaking his head to distract himself from the topic. As he did, his eyes caught something. He followed the line of sight and his heart sank even more.

It was a picture of him and Bianca at camp, a few days before her death. Percy had had Annabeth's phone that he borrowed from her before she was kidnapped and had taken the picture after much begging from Nico. When Annabeth had come back after his sister's death, and discovered the photo, she had gotten it printed. And, when they were on better terms after the labyrinth incident, she had given it to him.

He studied it with interest. He had looked so happy, so naïve to the world and its hardships. But Bianca, she had a look of worry in her eyes, like she somehow knew that she was going to die just a few days later. Bianca had a way with things like that. She always seemed to know when something was going to happen, like she could somehow perceive the future. Maybe she could, it's not like he could ask her, she had specifically asked him not to try to contact her anymore and he had to respect his late sister's last request.

He turned his eyes from the photo that hung on the wall in the dimly lit hallway, feeling liquid gathering in the corners of his eyes. Making his way to his room, he caught sight of the calendar that hung near his bedside. With a downcast glance he realized that today was a significant day. Today was the third anniversary of Bianca's death. And suddenly he could not stop the liquid that slid from his tear ducts, the salty tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

He was angry, frustrated. He couldn't help his sister even if he was a child of Hades; he'd been able to kill Austin without meaning to because he was a child of Hades. And suddenly, he felt anger, resentment for his father. If he'd been there for Bianca, she'd still be alive, and their mother could still be alive if he had made her immortal when he had the chance. He could've trained Nico so that his powers wouldn't be out of control. He felt overwhelming hate for his father. It was his entire fault, him and his selfishness.

Taking a deep breath, he screamed, he screamed as loud as he could for as long as he could until his throat felt raw and then some. He was so frustrated and an overwhelming amount of anguish washed over him. It was entirely his idiotic father's fault. He felt a pain in his chest and hunched himself over. He couldn't help the bile that rose from his stomach, as nothing but the acid spilled onto his expensive Italian carpet. Bits of blood came up with it, as well as a crushing feeling in his chest. And for the first time in a long time, Nico was completely sure of something.

He didn't want to live like this. He didn't want to live at all.

* * *

**Some of you may have noticed that this has been posted before, on my previous account, Taoreta. Well, I've abandoned that account, and originally, I was going to abandon this story as well. But, I couldn't get the ideas for it out of my head, so I decided to repost it on this account. That means, yes, there is going to be more chapters in the very near future. **

**Well, that's all I really have to say. Please review if you liked this chapter! Feel free to point out any typos if you see them. I do not take offense in the least and I find it very helpful. **

**Till next time, **

**-Totoka. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**'If you hurry up, I think you just might make it...'**_

Moonlight filtered in through the panes of the slightly ajar window and onto Nico's face as he stared blankly at the wall from his position on the couch. His legs were curled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees.

That's all he had been doing lately-sitting around, not saying or doing anything, just staring into the blank space. It had been about ten days since the incident with Austin, and he'd neglected to go to school since then. He couldn't seem to get past his feelings of overwhelming numbness; he couldn't find it in himself to face his classmates, knowing full and well what he'd done. So, he'd avoided it.

Unfortunately, it seemed that he couldn't avoid it for much longer. If he skipped one more day, he was certain people would start looking for him and that was the last thing that he wanted. Sure, he wasn't as well-known as Austin was, but it might rouse someone's suspicion if he hadn't shown up for almost two school weeks. Maybe they'd think he was dead. He wished he was, anyway. But, he knew that death would be worse. If he was dead, then he'd have to go before his father. Nico didn't even want to think about the consequences of that.

He was stuck and he hated it. He hated the feeling of helplessness. He hated knowing that there was nothing that he could do to fix what he had done. He hated that he was alone, with no one to help him through this mess. And that only made him miss his sister more than ever. She would know what to do; she would hold him and tell him it was okay.

The chime of the clock snapped him out of his thoughts. It chimed six times- 6 AM. He'd have to be at school in an hour. Unconsciously, he got to his feet, walking down the dark hallway until he reached the door, extending his hand to grasp the cool handle. Giving it a twist, he pushed the door open, flipping the light switch on as he did so.

He looked himself over in the mirror that hung above the sink cabinet. He looked…Sick. His eyes were sunken in, dark circles forming under his long eyelashes. His normally olive skin looked pale, transparent almost. He looked boney, probably from lack of eating. He couldn't recall the last time he'd eaten anything now that he thought about it.

Sighing, he took a few steps toward the bath tub, turning the knob and waiting until the water was at a semi-decent temperature before turning the shower head on. Turning on his heel, the brunet walked back to the sink, opening the cabinet under it to retrieve a towel. As he reached out, a flick of silver caught his eye.

Curious, he reached out, groping the floor of the cabinet until his hand came in contact with something cool. Scooping it up in his hand, he pulled it into his line of vision: An army knife.

_How did this get here? _He wondered as he examined the small, compact object. He couldn't recall ever owning an army knife. After a minute of thinking, he came to the conclusion that it was the previous tenant's belonging.

Slowly, he flipped the blade open. An idea started to form in his head; one that would affect his life far greater than he would ever know.

**XxXxX**

Percy watched Annabeth with interest from his place on the park bench they were currently residing on. Her long blonde hair swayed with the wind, little flakes of snow catching in it. Her dark gray eyes locked forward, seemingly lost in thought.

Tentatively, Percy reached out, cupping her cheeks in his hands, and turning her face to meet his gaze. She jumped with surprise at the unexpected touch, but relaxed after a moment. Percy couldn't help seeing the sadness seeded deep within those gray pearls he'd come to know so well.

Clearing his throat, he began to speak. "What's wrong, Annabeth? It's not like you to be so quiet." There was genuine concern in his voice, which made Annabeth's heart shriek with guilt, knowing what she was about to do.

Slowly, she reached up, taking her boyfriend's hand in hers. She ran her fingers soothingly over his palm, tracing the lines it contained.

It made Percy's heart sink further. Annabeth wasn't one to beat around the bush. She would get to the point as soon as possible and try to work out a solution to whatever problem she was having. But, right now, she was being so hesitant. This wasn't like the daughter of Athena he'd come to know over the years.

Taking a deep breath, Annabeth decided what she needed to say couldn't be put off for much longer. "Percy, you know, you're a great guy. I can honestly say that I have never met a guy as sweet, brave, and caring as you. Not to mention thick headed and dense at times," she added, trying to lighten the mood.

"But," her tone turned serious again. "It's just…"

"What is it?" Percy practically whispered. He did not like where this was going.

"It's…Well…It's Luke." She swallowed hard, trying to clear the ever prominent lump in her throat. "I know he's…dead and I though I've accepted that. But, I've just having these dreams, and you know that dreams always mean something when you're a demigod, and I can't get him off my mind."

By this point, Annabeth's eyes were in her lap, her fingers twisting nervously in her coat. "I just, I think we should take a break. I can't really handle this all right now; it's getting to be too much. I don't want to break up, per se, but I just feel like I can't continue like this."

There was a thick, dark, silence. Then, Percy forced a smile; "I understand." When Annabeth's saddened expression didn't change, he nudged her shoulder. The blonde looked up at him questioningly.

"Hey, don't give me that face. It's only for a little while, right?" His tone was warm, and awfully enticing. "Don't think you can get rid of me that easily, smart girl. I'll wait as long as you need." At this, a genuine smile crawled over Annabeth's lips.

"You always know how to cheer me up, don't you, seaweed brain?" Her tone was upbeat, light.

"Well, I do try." Percy smiled. "You wanna have dinner at my place?" Annabeth looked unsure for a moment, but Percy reassured her. "Aww, come on, just because we're taking a break doesn't mean we have to be all awkward and avoid each other. We can still be friends, right?"

Giving a small laugh, the blonde replied, "You actually make a good point for once, seaweed brain."

**XxXxX**

Nico sat in his seat quietly at the back of the room, waiting for the bell to ring and school to start. He pulled his uniform jacket's sleeve further down his arm, nervous that some blood might trickle through from the bandages and drip onto the desk.

When he'd done it, cut into the flesh of his forearm with the knife, he felt better than he had in a long time. He felt alive, which was an amazing feeling after almost two weeks void of any emotions. Each mark on his skin made him feel so euphoric, so in control. He relished in it; his own personal high.

Afterward, however, was a totally different experience. He had lost that control. He fell from his high with such speed it left an overwhelming weight in his chest. He felt like he was sinking. He still did. But, he knew that he'd have to grit and bear it, for today at least.

As more people walked into the classroom, Nico suddenly felt a sense of claustrophobia. Trapped, in a way he did not fully understand. He was contemplating running, his muses interrupted as the bell rang.

_Too late now_, he thought biting his lip. Straightening his posture, he locked his eyes with the clock at the front of the classroom. _C'mon, di Angelo. You can do this. _

Even he didn't believe that.

* * *

**Hey guys. I'm sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I've been busy with school. Honors classes are a bitch. I've had a shit ton of homework every night since school started. So, when the weekend roles around, I usually don't feel like doing work related things. I usually just read or play on tumblr, or watch movies. But, luckily, it's a three day weekend, so I don't have to go to school tomorrow. So, I've been able to have some Thorki feels, some Doctor Who feels, and Sherlock feels, with time to spare. Hell yeah. \m/**

**I'm going to try not to take so long from now on, though. If I ever take this long again, feel free to send me a message, whether it be on here, tumblr, or deviantART, and you can remind me to get my ass in gear.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry this is kind of short. Originally, it was longer than this, but when I was proof reading, I don't know, it just felt like I should split it there. Instincts I guess. As always, if you see any typos/errors/etc. feel free to point them out. I don't take offense in the least and I find it very helpful.**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**

**Until next time,**

**-Totoka.**


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